How to Shift from Self-Hate to Self-Love


Self-love and self-care are two things that used to be foreign to me. I never understood what self-care and self-love really were. They weren’t taught to me. And I participated in the opposite of them both. I hated my body, judged it, criticized it. I had no awareness of it. And the truth is I was comfortable there. I was comfortable with the drama, worry and sabotage I was projecting. None of these things served me, yet I served them.

Ten years later and I am in a completely different state. I am very thankful for the years of hard work and experience because now I can’t imagine a world without self-care and self-love. And everyone deserves to have this in their life.

Every day, I see this lack of self-care and self-love with my clients, friends, family members and business partners. As a health coach, I work hard to educate and inspire people to make this a part of their everyday life. When we love and care for ourselves, we attract a beautiful, gracious and desirable life.

What happens when we don’t love and take care of ourselves?

When we sit in self-sabotage, self-hate, criticism, judgment, we attract more of that. We attract more hate, lack, fear, worry, stress, cravings, inflammation, weight gain, health issues, drama and negativity. We attract people who believe similar things. We end up in the same situations and come up with the same outcomes because we project these feelings into the world. People think, “Why does this keep happening to me?” Or “Why me?” Sometimes, all you need is a shift in perspective and action.

Take it from me. I know what it’s like to shift from self-hate to self-love. I’ve been there. I used food, other drugs, alcohol, shopping and spending money to fuel the self-sabotage. So I had to ask myself, “Is the cost of health issues, adrenal fatigue and energy loss WORTH it?”

When you realize that it is not worth the cost, something awesome happens.

Our bodies heal. We realize optimal health. We no longer sabotage. We learn to listen to our bodies. We learn to discern when to say “No!” to tasks, people, events and other things that simply take up room on the schedule. We learn to say “YES!” to taking on less, to balance, health and longevity.

We are happier. We smile more. We are positive and optimistic. We begin to attract people into our lives that mirror this happiness, love, support and awareness. And this is beautiful.

So, what exactly is self-love?

What does self-love look and feel like? Like me, most people have no idea what that means or where to start?

Here’s how I see self-care:

  • When we think about ourselves, we have so much gratitude for who we are, what we look like, where we’ve come from, what we’ve endured and that we are so happy being completely ourselves without judgment.
  • We accept our bodies physically as they are. We do not criticize, bully or call ourselves names. We purely accept and are grateful for our shape, size and features.
  • We hear our body talk to us, and we take the appropriate actions of support. This is what that might look like:
    • If I am tired, I will take a rest instead of continuing to overbook, exhaust and overwhelm myself.
    • If I have a stomach ache, I will observe gently why that may have happened and care for myself with natural digestive aids and rest instead of getting angry at my body for these symptoms and scolding her with judgments.

But, I take care of myself!

You drink enough water. You eat healthy. You exercise. Yes, these are great aspects of a good self-care routine. However, many people are missing the higher levels of self-care.

Higher level self-care means doing the basics like brushing our teeth, drinking enough water and getting in some movement. But it’s also going a step further. This type of self-care allows you time for yourself every day to relax. YES, every day! It means blocking off your schedule to allow for a manageable amount of work, but not so much that you are draining yourself, running around like a chicken with your head cut off. Manageable so at the end of the day you still have energy, you don’t resent your work, and want to dig deep into a pint or two of ice cream because you had such a stressful day.

Higher level self-care also means saying NO sometimes. May you need to say no more often. Or maybe you simply need to not saying yes as often or let people take advantage of your kindness. Here’s an example: If you are already booked, you can say no and re-schedule. Saying no means not having to fill every little last space of time this week. I used to do this, and believe me, the longer I practiced this, the more nagging my adrenal fatigue became.

The more we can start to say no, set boundaries, have full respect for our time, and set out schedule up in a way that complements and supports ourselves, the more we keep our power and attract more abundance, happiness, health and vibrancy into our lives. Our story changes from “I’m so busy and it’s exhausting” to “I am busy, and I also have balanced health because I know when to slow down.”

Here’s a challenge for you. Explore where you are on the self-care meter. From 0-10, where do you land. Think about it for a moment. Do you even have a self-care routine? Are you still overwhelmed? Do you struggle with saying no? Are you kicking ass and thriving with self-care?

Wherever you are, honor it. Then, explore what you can do on a practical level to get to a higher level of health, happiness and self-care.

The truth is: self-love happens when we master self-care – when we listen to and honor our bodies. It happens when we don’t overbook ourselves because we want to protect our energy, our health, we fuel our body optimally with what makes our body feel good. We say no. We set boundaries.

If you feel like you are ready to end the fight reach out and book your 30-minute complimentary consultation today to learn how you can take action steps toward self-love.

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