How to Define Your Self-Worth
If you are a listener of The No Sugarcoating Podcast, you might recall Episode 67, where I talk all about self-worth and how we define it. In this blog post, I want to talk about the dangers of letting the scale dictate our self-worth and how to define your self-worth in healthier ways.
Many people I interact with dictate their self-worth by the number they see on the scale. Some look at the size of their clothing or the number of calories they consume. And I can relate. When I was struggling with my food addiction, I defined my self-worth by the number on the scale.
I would get on the scale and feelings of anxiety and stress would come over me. I waited in dread to see the number. I knew it would go up because I binged again.
Scale said, “147.”
My reaction literally: “SHIT! WHAT! It went up 7 pounds!!! I’m not good enough now, that’s too much, why did it go up? Oh, I know why. It’s because I binged or ate too much sugar and now I’m freaking out because it went up! When will it ever end?! When will I GET CONTROL? I HATE THIS SCALE! I’m so frosted with my body! Why can’t she just have a faster metabolism? UGH! Another wake-up call. STOP EATING SO MUCH AMBER. Today only salads! I’ve got to get this weight off.”
I would completely give my power away to the scale. And for the longest time didn’t even know it. If I hopped on and the number was lower, I was good enough or getting closer to being good enough. If I hopped on and it hadn’t moved or gone up, then I panicked, causing myself unnecessary stress and starting my day off in contraction, lack and negativity.
I would cancel plans if my clothes didn’t fit properly. I would feel a lower mood and sadder when I would head to work. The truth is life just plain sucked when the scale went up – because I let it.
I wanted to share this internal reaction of what used to happen to me because I’m sure many of you can relate. I was giving my power away to a piece of metal that had no connection whatsoever to me at all. But I was choosing to make such a big deal out of it.
Why? It seems there is a TON of pressure in modern day society to be super fit and trim and have the perfect body, to be a size 2 or have no signs of any kind of body fat in sight.
And if we don’t have these things, we aren’t good enough. We aren’t popular enough. We won’t be desired as much by men, or women, or get the dream job, or get the attention. Whatever it is we seek to make us feel good enough or to build our self-worth.
The problem is that when we let the scale dictate our self-worth, we hold ourselves back from living life to the fullest. We deny happiness, love, being social, travel, being happy with our body right NOW. We fast forward to fantasizing about the day we lose the weight and fit into a certain size of clothes. The problem is we are pulling ourselves outside of this beautiful present moment and into a future which does not exist and is not promised to us. But we’d rather focus on something that doesn’t and may never exist than focus on the now because it’s too painful to continue to deal with or bear the suffering of another day with the scale moving in the wrong direction or not moving at all.
We also feel the need to punish our body if we don’t see the number we want. We may either punish ourselves by binging, eating too much and going into the “I don’t care” mentality. This can cause bloating, pain, inflammation and weight gain.
Or perhaps you go the opposite and dive into full restriction. You starve your body and deny her the nourishment and calories she needs to survive, thrive and give you energy. You jump on a fad diet, you fast, you cut all carbs or all fats – and again you suffer. This can cause lethargy, cravings and mood swings. Then you can’t handle anymore so you say “screw it!” and overeat. You hop on the scale, and of course, the battle continues because it’s not what you want to see.
Then we blame ourselves.
“Stupid body. Why can’t you just have more willpower.”
“Why can’t you just lose weight!”
“I hate you.”
“I wish I had a different body.”
These are only some of the many things I used to say, and I’m sure you or someone you know have said. None of this helps us. It only hurts us more and throws us deeper into disconnect.
When we realize that the number doesn’t mean anything, we can keep our power. I want to challenge you to stop or severely cut back how much you weigh yourself. Throw it out. Smash it. Whatever you want to do just to help yourself become more empowered.
I also invite you to explore the things you have that make up your self-worth and ask yourself, “Are these healthy, positive things? Or are these negative and superficial things that leave me feeling empty?” To me, money, cars, designer purses, weight, clothing sizes are all external and more superficial. Yes, I’m all for luxury and success, but having a true high self-worth and respect means far more than anything money can buy.
To me, self-worth is all about connection with ourselves. Self-love. It’s about taking the time to set boundaries, relax, do the things we love that will make us healthier, happier and more vibrant. It’s about complimenting ourselves, celebrating being in our bodies and living the lives that we have. This is experiencing full self-worth.
A person in full self-worth will not let anyone make her/him question it. They are confident and know their worth. No number, clothing size or amount of money will dictate their self-worth because they know it’s a loving and powerful connection felt with themselves that is key. And no one can take that away because it’s a choice to keep and protect.
And we protect and support our self-worth by appreciating all of our qualities and quirks, our strengths and weaknesses, our beneficial and not so beneficial behaviors and patterns and always striving to learn and improve. To heal and to break through. We don’t allow anyone to decide how worthy we are to be happy or to have certain things because we know we are good enough now and deserve the world.
Where are you at with your self-worth? I invite you to see that you are worth every bit as much as the next beautiful being on this Earth and you deserve to have full enjoyment of your life and living in the beautiful body you live in now.
If you feel you can relate and are struggling I invite you to reach out and book a 30-minute complimentary consultation with me. You are worthy to end the struggling now and have full freedom to be happy, healthy and end the vicious cycles of hate and fight. Click here to take the next step to freedom.